COP-Out 26

What would a man with a lump of coal be doing at a climate change conference?

You can’t polish a turd.

But you can varnish your coal to prevent it from polluting the hands of a subservient political lackey. This is exactly what happened to the shameful prop that was paraded around parliament by the little-known slogan bogan who not-so coincidentally was shortly after anointed as this nation’s leader by Murdoch-Mining coalition. Likewise, our fossil fuel loving Prime Minister is being buffed up to be such a shiny supporter of climate action that his minders hope the rest of the world will be too dazzled by his sheen to do a Google search.

Are they really that easy to fossil-fool?

A recent BBC exposé divulged the disgraceful secret lobbying of countries such as Australia and Saudi Arabia which aims to white-ant international consensus on reducing carbon pollution. “One senior Australian government official rejects the conclusion that closing coal-fired power plants is necessary, even though ending the use of coal is one of the stated objectives the COP26 conference.”

Gaslighting Glasgow

Despite having spent 250 mil of your hard-earned on refurbishing his public private jet, the Liar from the Shire has been reluctant to jump aboard and show his smirking face at COP26, possibly the last chance for humanity to seize any remaining opportunity to mitigate climate Armageddon.

Murdoch’s Mind-change

However, in the shadow of an apparent about-face on climate rhetoric from News-corpse, Engadine’s favourite son has concluded that his presence at the climate Kaffeeklatsch is essential. Are we to conclude from this that those who have so staunchly undermined global efforts to reign in emissions have suddenly decided to forego the millions in support that they enjoy from the mining lobby? Are we to assume that the spoils so liberally showered upon recently retired parliamentary pawns is no longer a carrot that our politicians are drawn to?

Trojan Horse

Might the truth be that the fossil fuel mafia have determined that the risk of non-attendance is too great, as the world might agree to meaningful targets in our absence? Does Morrison think that seasoned world leaders will fall for his banal rhetoric while our backroom negotiators unleash maximum havoc?

Actions speak.

Environment minister Susan Ley has recently approved three new coal mines (there are currently 50 such projects under construction or in planning), after having struck down the gargantuan Asian Renewable Energy Hub, which was set to create 3000 jobs in the remote Pilbara.

The Nationals are revolting.

While some pragmatic Liberal MPs have realised that the public have grown wise to the lies, and are urging meaningful action on emissions, the Nationals appear trapped in psychotic delusion. One might assume that the resources minister of a wealthy and educated nation would give enough of a shit about his job to have at least cursory familiarity with available technology. On the contrary, when asked if he still believed that renewables don’t work, Keith Pitt declared, “solar panels don’t work in the dark,” which is like saying that dams don’t work when it’s not raining.

Holding us to ransom

Although only a piddling 4.5% of Australians voted Nationals in the last election, their MPs are pissing on the will of the 78% who believe that we should adopt net zero carbon emission targets by 2050. They have now delivered their ultimatum to Morrison outlining their demands in return for in principle agreement to support Morrison’s bogus net zero strategy. Would you like to know what special favours are being extorted from you the taxpayer? Sorry, that’s a secret.